


Bucky and Stevie

by Jc27



Series: Bucky Barnes favoritism [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Also I’m not entirely sure about Bucky’s gender, Everyone else is the same, Female Bucky Barnes, Genderswap, Nerd Bucky Barnes, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, bucky barnes is a nerd, but It still won’t be enough, but who know how long this fixation will lastt, i how this can eventually become a rewrite of the movies, i just kinda put myself in there and still don’t have a term that I feel firs, no beta we die like...wait fuck Bucky doesn’t die, so if y’all have ideas you can say in the comments, yknow, you can try prying this from my dead hands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:15:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27441034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jc27/pseuds/Jc27
Summary: It’s basically a quick backstory about all these childhood moments before we get to the first Captain America movieBucky is born female and changes a bitIt’s mostly movie compliant but I’ll be adding some changes that I want in the movie
Relationships: pre Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes
Series: Bucky Barnes favoritism [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2011984
Kudos: 10





	Bucky and Stevie

**Author's Note:**

> Hi y’all! I’ve never gotten around to doing fanfic that wasn’t DP or Lu so this is new to me. It’s strange because for the other two the fandom is so Involved and really nice  
> So if y’all have anymore ideas feel free to pop them in the comments  
> Thank you for reading!!!

Jamie is four when she starts going by Bucky. Some of the older women in the neighborhood look at her strangely. “isn’t that too boyish?” They ask.

Honestly, she’s never cared all that much about sounding like a girl or boy. And she could never deny her little sister anything, even the right to call her Bucky so they can be Bucky and Becca. Well, Bucky and Becca with another sibling on the way.

So the name sticks. Within a few years, they aren’t just Bucky and Becca anymore. They’re Bucky, Becca, Beatrice, and Winnie.

And then she meets Stephanie Rogers. Bucky is nine at the time, running out of the library with her hands full of books. A smile plastered on her face because she’s so excited to read them all. Poetry, science, and math in her hands, begging to be read.

That’s when she hears it.

A crash, a grunt, a taunt.

“Had enough sweetheart?”

Oh hell no. Bucky’s mama didn’t raise her daughters to walk by when another person is in trouble.

She follows the source of the sounds. Sure enough, there they are. Three boys. Two of them tower over the third. The boy, scarily thin, but he keeps getting back up. With those shaking twig legs of his he stands, despite how many times they knock him down.

“Hey!” She yells, dropping her books and marching towards these, these Bullies. “Leave him alone!”

“What you goin do ‘bout it? Kiss us goodnight?”

Her chest burns. She smiles sweetly. “I'll give you somethin’ better.”

That's when she breaks one of the two bullies nose’s.

She fights just how her mama taught her. She analyzes their moves and finds weaknesses.

It’s not long before the two bullies are running out of the ally, cursing up a storm.

The boy is still on the ground. His breathing is all over the place. Ragged and not right.

“Are you alright?” Bucky asks. She kneels down, trying to see the boy better.

There’s blood all over his face. The ragged breathing dies down.

“I...I ha...ad them.” The boy says. How eyes full of fire, blonde hair splattered with an ugly red.

“I’m sure you did.” Bucky agrees. Long since used to the way pride works. She’s seen it in the way Becca refuses to break eye contact, even if she is scared. Bailey and how she hides her face when she thinks she will begin to cry. Winnie, and her god awful way of never slouching or being submissive in any way.

Bucky and the way she will always find a way to use her silver tongue to win. Well, her words and the winning punch her mama taught her.

Bucky stands. She holds her hand out for the boy to take. 

After a wary moment the boy grabs it.

“You alright?” Bucky asks once again.

“Fine,” the boy grunts.

“What was up with them?” Bucky gestures to where the bullies had run.

“They were callin’ out ladies and so I called them out on it. They weren’t happy ‘bout it.’

Bucky knows exactly what the boy’s talking about. Too many times has she heard the horrible names shouted at her mother.

“I’m Bucky. Bucky Barnes.” She introduces herself.

The boy hesitates. He stares at Bucky for a moment. “I’m Steve. Steve Rogers.”

Bucky grins. It stretches across her face, “Nice to meet you.”

And so they became friends. Best friends.

-<>-<>-<>-<>-

“Hey Bucky, why’d you help me?”

“Well...I guess I just don’t like bullies. No matter who they are.”

-<>-<>-<>-<>-

They grow close. Tell each other everything. Including this.

Including how sometimes, she doesn’t want to be a she. How she would wear trousers and a loose shirt with tight undershirts in order to hide it.

How she had cut her hair just for this.

She tells Steve this.

Steve stares. Wide eyed with an open mouth.

“Stevie?” An old nickname that for some reason, fit better for the boy before her.. 

Steve grins, a bright blinding thing. “I like the hair, Buck.”

Bucky returned the look and grabbed Stevie for a tight hug.

“Thank you.”

-<>-<>-<>-<>-

Her mother is upset when she sees what Bucky has done to her hair. She’s even more upset when Bucky tells her she doesn’t always want to be a girl.

“You can’t--You know what happens to people who...people like _that_. Jamie please.” Winifred begs. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Bucky stands her ground, just like her mama taught. “People don’t have to know. With the hair they won’t think much of it. I’ll wear my clothes differently and-”

“THAT WON’T LAST FOREVER! Besides, people know us. They know our family. How long until they realize that Jamie Barnes isn’t here anymore?”

“We’ll lie. Say Jamie is out of town with other family, watching out for them, and that James ‘Bucky’ Barnes is a cousin that is living with you.”

“You don’t really think that’ll work. Do you?”

“Mama please.” Bucky begs.

They stare at each other, communicating in a way that says nothing but tells everything.

“Stay safe, Jami--James.” Winifred finally resents.

“I love you mama.”

“I love you more.”

They glare.

“Bet.”

“Oooh You better run,” Becca taunts. Where had she been hiding?

Bucky is out of the house before his mother decides to disown him for arguing over who loves the other more.

He laughs as he runs down the street. His chest is bursting with joy, so full of happiness.

Overflowing with love.

-<>-<>-<>-<>-

He’s thirteen and hates his body.

It doesn’t even hurt like his mother warned about. His body doesn’t cramp, although his mother says it will.

Honestly what he really hates is the blood stains and the anxiety over whether the blood bleeds through his clothes.

He tells Steve about it. Because his sisters aren’t old enough to understand his pain. Steve listens though. Even if he’s uncomfortable with what Bucky’s saying , he listens. He even asks questions about her period sometimes.

Bucky asks Steve to please not get into any fights this week.

Stevie makes no promises.

That’s probably the best he’s going to get.

Two days later Bucky drags Steve out of another--god why doesn’t it stop--fight. Blood gets on his clothes even though he never got a hit on himself.

Steve apologizes for hours.

-<>-<>-<>-<>-

Bucky is fourteen and feels like a girl.

It’s not unusual. Happens many times a month, sometimes more, sometimes less. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. It just is.

Some days she’ll look at herself in the mirror and enjoy seeing the skirt and shirt covering her body. Other days the thought brings such an ache of _wrong wrong wrong_ she wants to claw herself raw.

Steve helps, he listens. He..he...

He helps everything be right when she feels wrong.

Steve smiles when Bucky walks out the door in a skirt and blouse. Her hair is still short, she loves her mother for getting her the wig. It matches her hair and her mother and sisters help with styling it. Steve himself is wearing trousers and a white shirt, like usual.

“Hey Buck. I like the skirt.”

And Bucky grins at him because she can’t imagine her life without this...extraordinary boy. This boy with a body too frail and a heart too kind.

‘A bleeding heart’ Winifred calls humbert. Bucky silently agrees.

“Hey Stevie. What we doin’ today?”

-<>-<>-<>-<>-

Bucky is fifteen and a girl.

She walks the streets by herself, Steve is home sick, with her arms full of books. Some she plans on reading to Steve. The rest are for her.

A man whistles at her. He leers at her and suddenly Bucky relates to all those times Steve got into fights.

Except she's not Steve. She’s Bucky. Bucky Barnes, the charismatic one. The reasonable one,

That’s why she doesn’t call the man out with a fight. That’s why her head stays high as she walks. She looks him in the eyes, she smirks even though her stomach is twisting. “Sweetie, you’ll have to do better than that. Just a whistle? Pay me next time and we’ll see how it ends.”

The man blinks, he’s never had that reaction before. Bucky continues to walk.

She doesn’t smile.

Never smiles at a man like this.

When she makes it to Steve’s house Mrs.Rogers lets her in with an overworked smile. Bucky returns it and heads to Steve’s room. Mrs.Rogers heads to work.

Bucky doesn’t mention the man, nor any of the other times it happens. Steve shouldn’t worry. Not with her mother who is working herself into the grave or herself with so many weaknesses to her body.

Bucky doesn’t need that kind of attention, Steve does. God, Steve deserves so much more. The least she can do is keep this away from him. Even if it gives her nightmares about men breaking into her home, those men touching her sisters, or herself.

She smiles at Steve and starts to read one of the books.

-<>-<>-<>-<>-

Bucky is seventeen and Steve’s mom dies.

Winifred doesn’t hesitate to drag Stevie over to live with them. Both Bucky and Steve still have to finish school. Hell will freeze over before Winifred Barnes allows either of them to drop out.

Bucky dresses like a he and gets a job at the docks. He works whenever he can to help make ends meet. Steve says he feels guilty about it, Bucky says not to.

Despite how hard they try, Steve still gets sick in winter.

Bucky helps keep him caught up in schoolwork. Bucky reads Steve books and is always willing to get the boy whatever she needs.

Most times Steve won’t admit to needing anything. He’ll say he’s fine even when his body shivers. Says he doesn’t need anything when his voice is raspy.

Bucky never tells anyone, but sometimes, after hours, Bucky will stick around the docks. Some men look for a good time, some good pay for it too, and so…

Bucky does what keeps the family alive.

Even if some days, the urge to get up is nonexistent,

Bucky gets up for the family.

For Steve.

-<>-<>-<>-<>-

Bucky is eighteen when he moves out with Stevie

Winifred isn’t pleased. “A girl and boy can’t live together while not married.” She argues.

“Mama, we ain't like that. C’mon you know Steve. He won’t do nothin’.”

Winifred still doesn’t agree by the time they move out. She isn’t angry enough that she won't visit. She isn’t mad enough to never speak to them again.

She looks with those oh so tired eyes and asks them how they are.

Bucky’s sisters visit a lot too. Becca being the most frequent. She shows up weekly.

Bucky could never turn her down.

He calls their mother countless times so she knows that Becca is staying with them for the night.

The apartment is small. One bedroom, one bathroom, and the rest is a small cramped space for the dining room, living room, and kitchen.

Bucky doesn’t mention how many late nights at the docks weren’t spent moving crates. Doesn’t mention the bruises on her skin. Doesn’t mention the extra money used for the furniture or medicine.

It’s not enough for separate rooms. Steve and Bucky share the bedroom, the two beds put on opposite sides of the wall.

It’s not much.

It’s home though.

As Bucky gives her bed up to Becca for the hundredth time and sleeps on the couch, she smiles.

-<>-<>-<>-<>-

Bucky is twenty, has been filling out legal forms as a man for years, and the US is officially going to war.

Steve, the idiot, wants to enlist. He wants to be out there fighting on the frontlines.

Bucky’s never been so grateful for Steve’s too frail body.

With all those health problems no army would be letting him in.

Bucky silently thanks whatever being there is. Even when Steve fumes, which he _does._ Bucky will never stop being grateful.

Three weeks later and that gratefulness is a long lost memory.

Bucky stares at the paper in her hands.

The _Draft_ papers.

Her first thought is, “who will take care of everyone?”

Her second is, “nope!”

She wants to burn it, hide the papers so she doesn’t have to leave. Goddamn all those tax forms. Why’d she have to fill them out as James? Jamie wouldn’t be drafted. Jamie would be left with Stevie, _away_ from the war.

Bucky leaves her apartment. Her dress swishing around her legs in a pleasing way.

Bucky’s too scared to take any pleasure in it.

Bucky knocks, she never knocks. Always just waltzes into the house.

Winifred opens the door.

“Mama…” Bucky whispers. Her eyes burn and her legs tremble. “Mama…”

Winifred’s eyes water when she sees the paper in her daughter’s hands. She leads her daughter into the house and holds the girl as she cracks. Always so strong for everyone, forgetting she’s made of glass too.

“It’s ok.” Winifred soothes. Although it is _not_ ok. Nothing is ok. “Everything will be alright.”

Bucky melts into her mother’s hold. How long has it been since she last hugged her mother?

They sit there until maybe hours, maybe minutes pass. Bucky sits up. Her tears are gone, with only the red eyes to show

“Bucky,” Winifred starts, her eyes watery with such a fire in them, is that fire in her own eyes? “Please, if not for me then for Steve, live. Survive and come home.”

Bucky smiles, still bright even after this. So bright and so...so tired of fighting. “I promise, I’ll come home mama.”

She never says it won’t be in a casket.

After a moment Bucky speaks again. “I...I don’t wanna tell them I was drafted.”

Winifred looks at Bucky disapprovingly, “Bucky-“

“Not like, hide from it, we know that's impossible, but...I want to tell them I enlisted. You’ve seen Steve, it would break him to know the truth and the girls...mama you’ve seen them, I don’t want them to see me as a coward.”

“You’re no coward and don’t speak like you’re already dead!” Winifred snaps.

“Please mama,” an echo of so many past conversations.

_“Please mama,” Bucky begs. Grabbing her mother’s arm and asking Winifred to read her just one more story, promise._

Winifred could never deny Bucky anything.

They hear the front door open. Winifred stands and helps her daughter to her feet. 

“C’mon Bucky, let’s tell the girls about your enlistment.”

“I love you mama.”

“I love you more.”

They do not glare this time, but hug.

“Bucky! You’re home!” Beatrice yells.

Bucky grins, it feels false, Winifred doesn’t meet her eyes, “Yes, I am! What’s up girls?”

Bailey and Winnie hug her. Becca rolls her eyes from behind them. 

“Girls, we...we have something to tell you.” Winifred interrupts.

Bucky sighs, “You should sit down.”

-<>-<>-<>-<>-

Bucky is leaving when Becca follows.

“Bucky.” A pause, “Bucky please, don't go.”

“Becca--”

“No! I can see it. You’re scared, you're terrified. You think you’re gonna die, or worse, come back like-”

“Dad?”

“You know better than the rest of us how much he changed. He...something broke in him when he came back. Sometimes I think he never came home.”

Neither speak.

“Please, I don’t want to lose you.”

_“Please Bucky?” Becca’s eyes are wide and pleading._

_Bucky smiles. “Ok, so how do you want me to braid it?_

Bucky looks her in the eyes, puts on a smile and a false light to her eyes, “You’ll never lose me.”

Becca doesn’t respond.

Bucky walks away.

How will she tell Steve?

-<>-<>-<>-<>-

Steve doesn’t take it well.

“You enlisted? Without me?”

There's such a betrayal in her voice.

“Stevie I-”

“You’re leaving me? To go to the army? I thought we were together till the end of the line? I thought you didn’t want to go to war! How’d you even get in?!” At the end Steve is yelling and _God, god it hurts_.

There’s so much she could say. _Stevie, I didn't choose this. I’m always with you. I’m doing this for you._

Instead of that she says, “Stevie, this is my choice.”

“I...I’m going to bed Buck.”

“Stevie?”

“Just leave me alone.”

Steve turns away, they don’t talk for days.

They only do the night before Bucky heads away for training, Bucky and Steve head to dinner at the Barnes household.

They laugh, cry, and say goodbyes.

And late into the night as they’re walking home Steve finally speaks to Bucky.

“I’m coming with you. I'm going to join the army too.”

Bucky knows no one will ever allow Steve in.

That’s why he smiles, “I’m sure you will Stevie.”

-<>-<>-<>-<>-

Bucky’s gone all winter. He's careful to hide his body. He is smart with his body language and words. He binds his body to be just right.

They never learn.

-<>-<>-<>-<>-

Steve trains during winter.

He trains and gets sick and trains even more.

Bucky is not around to read to him.

-<>-<>-<>-<>-

Steve is there when Bucky returns. He is there with the Barnes family as they wait for Bucky to come home from training.

Bucky does, he looks tired, too tired, but his grin is bright as are his eyes.

He hugs his family and Steve.

Steve doesn’t tell him how he’s tried twice already to enlist.

-<>-<>-<>-<>-

Two weeks later, on Bucky’s last night, Bucky drags Steve out of an alley to a science expo.

Steve goes, only because he wants to spend Bucky’s last night with him. She doesn’t care for the science stuff, it’s never interested him, but Bucky, Bucky loves it. Steve has been on the receiving end of many science rambles over the years.

It’s one of Steve’s favorite parts of Bucky.

Yet, when he sees the sign hanging on the wall, it’s as if someone else has taken control of his body. He heads to the enlisting establishment. No one else is there.

He looks up to a picture of soldiers, his reflection is too small. Too...not enough.

“What’re you doin’ punk?” A sad sigh asks.

Steve looks at Bucky, she’s dressed up real nice. Possibly making up for the lack of being able to be a girl in the military. She looks lovely. Her wig is perfect and makeup only makes her look more beautiful. Her lips look soft. Her body looks strong.

Steve wishes he could be like that. Beautiful, lovely, soft, strong.

_He wishes she could be with Bu--_

Bucky groans, “Tell me you’re not going to try. Please tell me you’re-”

“How could you expect me not to?”

“Stevie, you don’t need to go to war. You could join the hundreds of other roles.”

“You don’t need to go either. I thought you said the war needed _men_ , _Bucky?_ ”

Bucky flinches, glancing around. Stevie does not back down.

“You know I couldn’t be a nurse.”

“There’s other jobs-”  
“What? You want me to be picking scraps in a little red wagon.”

“Yes!”

“Bucky.”

“Stevie.”

“Bucky. Bucky! I can’t just do nothin’.”

“Right. Because you’ve got nothin’ to prove.”

_Nothing to prove to the men who look at him with those eyes. Calling him weak. Nothing._

_Nothing to prove to the people who see his medical life and say he should give up. A life like his is not worth living, they say._

_Nothing._

_Nothing to prove to the bullies that knock him and so many others down._

Steve doesn’t respond. Bucky already knows the answer.

Bucky sighs. Looking so disappointed. It reminds Steve of the look Winifred would give the two of them when they were younger.

“Fine Stevie. Fine. Just..don’t, don’t do anything stupid.”

Steve smirks, “How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.”

Bucky laughs, Steve‘a chest flutters. “Punk.”

“Jerk.”

An old joke still young for them.

They hug. Bucky walks away, probably going to nerd out.

Steve walks up to the enlistment clerk.

“I want to enlist.”

-<>-<>-<>-<>-

A man walks in with a file. He’s dressed up nice.

The man opens the file and Steve’s chest tightens.

Somehow, it ends with Steve being allowed to go to war.

-<>-<>-<>-<>-

“You want to fight Nazis, yes?” The man asks.

“I don’t like bullies-” an echo of a past conversation “-It doesn’t matter where they're from.”

-<>-<>-<>-<>-

Steve doesn’t tell Bucky. Although, some part of him thinks Bucky already knows.

_Bucky always knows._

Bucky dances with all the men there. Some get a bit too close, hold on too tight, Steve notices, but Bucky doesn’t make a scene; she simply leans close and whispers something in their ears. And the men pale. Her nails become sharp and cut into their skin just barely.

The men don’t look back at her.

They go home late.

Bucky hugs him close. Her nails dull and her words kind.

Steve wakes up to an empty apartment.

Soon Steve will be gone too.

**Author's Note:**

> Am I aware people wouldn’t be this accepting back then? Yes  
> Do I care? Not really


End file.
